what has lain dormant lies deep within.
Like a writhing serpent it stirs,
turning, twisting looking for it’s momentary escape.
Strong, smooth and silent,
waiting, ready to unleash it’s poison, fast and furious,
repugnant, shameful, pure vitriol and fury.
I must keep it caged, locked in, hidden from view.
In the darkness of my soul.
Keeping it hidden.
It sucks me dry, drains my very life blood,
poisoning me from the inside out.
Energy draining away,
with the effort of keeping it within.
The veil is pulled down, until I am me no more,
as the serpent grows inside bigger and bolder.
I close down in an effort to keep it imprisoned,
until the outer shell is visible but I am lost.
My time has come to find that which lies within,
or die a little with each passing day.
Befriend it, give it a voice,
face my serpent, allow it, room to express, freedom and air.
Open the door, releasing my deepest fears and terrors,
so they can keep hold no more.
Unleashed and free, I return to the light, alive and vibrant,
after the darkness of my soul.
By Caroline Lucas ©
When I wrote this poem “ The darkness of the soul” something happened that triggered years of repressed stuck anger/rage that I had found difficult to express and own up to, so it erupted in an uncontrollable way, from time to time, until I addressed the issues and resolved them.
The thing is we can keep repressing things, for a time, that we feel really angry about because:
We are too scared of our own anger.
We may have had an angry parent, growing up, and we unconsciously or consciously decide that we can’t be like that.
We are numb to our feelings in the moment, for various reasons, not least, because we have never been allowed to express our anger. as our anger was or is considered frightening.
Anger, by society, is believed to be a bad emotion and nice people don’t get angry and we are scared of not being liked or loved.
However, repressed anger will always at some time or other ‘bite us in the ass’, so to speak. What I realise and now know is that it needs to be faced full on, taken responsibility for and expressed safely.